Writing

【TOEIC Writing】Q8 エッセイ問題 ブラッシュアップ<ワールドトーク Kohay先生⑧>

まなみちゃん

今回は、Q6-7(メール問題)で、
Writing190点のkohay先生に、
ブラッシュアップして頂きました!

えーるくん

Writing150点の僕の案を直して頂きました!

▼この記事の動画版もあるので、もし良かったら流し聞きでどうぞ!▼

2022年5月5日(木) 22:00~23:00
ワールドトーク」 kohay先生(第10回)

1. Q8エッセイ問題 Kohay先生修正

ポイント

二項対立の必ずその使ってないテーマをちょっと意識した書き方をする!

車との対比があって公共交通機関がいいというのを全体で意識
・公共交通機関のメリットを言っても、車でも同じであれば高得点が目指しづらい

問題

Q:Which is better to use public transportation or a private car for transport?

移動手段は、公共交通機関を使うのがよいか、自家用車を使うのが良いか?

【まとめ】Q8エッセイ問題のひな形の使用例とポイント

項目解答例ひな形ポイント
1一般論There have been a lot of discussions and debates about what kinds of transportation you should use.There have been a lot of discussions and debates about whether or not テーマの引用語数伸ばさなければならないので、
2譲歩を含めた自分の意見Although some people claim that it is better to use a private car, I strongly believe you should choose public transportation.Although some people claim that 自分の反対意見, I strongly believe that 自分の意見.冒頭は考えず、テンプレで一気に書いてしまう
This essay will briefly touch on three reasons to support my opinion.This essay will briefly touch on three reasons to support my opinion.
3 理由①具体例の書き方は、
キーワードTo begin with, it is incredibly important to consider the environment.To begin with, it is incredibly important to consider キーワード. ざっくり→詳しく
For example, public transportation is more environmentally friendly than automobiles because it emits less carbon dioxide.For example, For instance,キーワードだけでなく着地点も一緒に考えるのが大事
On the other hand, electric vehicles have been developed to replace gasoline-powered cars to address environmental issues in recent years. However, the price of electric cars is still high, making it difficult for individuals to purchase one. Therefore, public transportation such as trains and airplanes is preferable.最後にこういう主張をするんだと思いながら、具体例を考える
4理由②
キーワードAnother key point is low cost.Another key point is キーワード.
In fact, public transportation is affordable. Taking an overnight bus enables you to travel inexpensively. You can also travel at a reasonable price by using low-cost carriers.In fact, In reality,
On the other hand, there are various costs involved with a car, such as purchasing the vehicle, monthly parking fees, gasoline, etc. Thus, public transportation is superior in terms of money.
5理由
キーワードLastly, you have to seriously discuss convenience as well.Lastly, you have to seriously discuss キーワード as well.
To be more precise, if you go somewhere by car, there will be frequently traffic jams. Eventually, you will often be late for your destination.To illustrate, To be more precise,
Meanwhile, public transportation, such as trains and airplanes, basically leaves and arrives on time. Therefore, for business purposes, public transportation is more convenient.
6予想される反論It is true that the use of public transportation may be dangerous due to the spread of infectious diseases such as COVID-19.It is true that 自分の反対意見 (may入れると良いかも).
7その反論への反駁However, nowadays, there is a higher use of alcohol disinfection, antibacterial poles, and surgical masks. In addition, vaccines are becoming more widely available, so the danger is decreasing.However, その反駁
8まとめTo sum up, for these reasons described above, environmental considerations, affordable cost, and no traffic jams, I conclude that you have to utilize the system.To sum up, for these reasons described above, A, B and C, I conclude that 自分の主張(書き換えたもの).時間余ったら未来の展望を入れる

Kohay先生の修正

There have been a lot of discussions and debates about what kinds of transportation you should use.

Although some people claim that it is better to use a private car, I strongly believe you should choose public transportation.

This essay will briefly touch on three reasons to support my opinion.

To begin with, it is incredibly important to consider the environment.
For example, public transportation is more environmentally friendly than automobiles because it emits less carbon dioxide.
On the other hand, electric vehicles have been developed to replace gasoline-powered cars to address environmental issues in recent years. However, the price of electric cars is still high, making it difficult for individuals to purchase one. Therefore, public transportation such as trains and airplanes is preferable.

Another key point is low cost.
In fact, public transportation is affordable. Taking an overnight bus enables you to travel inexpensively. You can also travel at a reasonable price by using low-cost carriers.
On the other hand, there are various costs involved with a car, such as purchasing the vehicle, monthly parking fees, gasoline, etc. Thus, public transportation is superior in terms of money.

Lastly, you have to seriously discuss convenience as well.
To be more precise, if you go somewhere by car, there will be frequently traffic jams. Eventually, you will often be late for your destination.
Meanwhile, public transportation, such as trains and airplanes, basically leaves and arrives on time. Therefore, for business purposes, public transportation is more convenient.

It is true that the use of public transportation may be dangerous due to the spread of infectious diseases such as COVID-19.
Howevernowadays, there is a higher use of alcohol disinfection, antibacterial poles, and surgical masks. In addition, vaccines are becoming more widely available, so the danger is decreasing.

To sum up, for these reasons described above, environmental considerations, affordable cost, and no traffic jams, I conclude that you have to utilize the system.
(319words)

文末焦点の法則(原則)

文の最後に一番伝えたいメッセージを置く
To be precise, if you go somewhere by car, there will be frequently traffic jams

① Manami gave a winter scarf to me. [第3文型 SVO]
② Manami gave me a winter scarf. [第4文型 SVOO]
「私に」くれたを伝えたい
「マフラーを」くれたを伝えたい

「英語では文を組立てるときには、旧情報から新情報の順に情報を並べるのが一般的傾向です。これを「文末焦点の原則」と呼び、話し手と聞き手が既に知っている情報(旧情報)を主語にして、聞き手が知らない新情報を文のより後に置くという原則です。」

引用元:https://plaza.rakuten.co.jp/samito07/diary/200707220000/

2.Q&A

Q1. 時間が余った場合、最後の膨らませ方

時間が余ったら、ある程度文法ミスが許されるので、語数を増やす時がある
将来の展望を入れることがある
テーマによって展望の形は変わってくる
例:政府はもっと国民に公共交通機関の使用を積極的に促していかなければならない
The government must be more proactive in encouraging people to use public transportation.

Q2. if節の位置について AIの grammarlyとか使うとif節を後ろに持ってくるのをオススメされたりするけど、どういう感覚?

・私が常に考えているのは、どの情報を読者にお伝えしたいかっていうこと
To be precise, if you go somewhere by car, there will be frequently traffic jams
・traffic jamsは、初めて出す情報情報のインパクトとしても大きい

Q3. メールとエッセイの時間配分は?

①メール問題 

ざっくり、1分でテンプレート書きながら、
何にしようか考えている
テンプレ書きとアイデア出しを兼ねて
(アイデア出ない時もあるが)
最後に2分ぐらい余るようにしている

②エッセイ問題

テンプレ100語を書きながら考えている

テンプレ書きながらキーワードも書く
キーワードさえ出てくれば
具体例は出てくるので

冒頭1文が5分
3つの理由20分ぐらい
譲歩と最後の部分は、おまけなので、ささっと書いて終わる

時間は2分余るぐらいのかんじ
ざっと見直しはする
気づいても時間が足りず直せない場合はある

3.インスタ用のまとめ

▼テンプレの詳しい解説は

【TOEIC Writing】エッセイ問題で使えるテンプレ 2022年4月7日(木) 22:30~23:00 「ワールドトーク」 kohay先生(第3回) えーるくん 今回は、Wo...

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